Will You Still Love Me?
by shadybitch
Summary: Regina tries to protect Emma, but the blonde doesn't need nor want protection; maybe she's the one who has to protect Regina. one-shot, totally AU, SwanQueen


**A/N – **First and foremost I want to apologize for this. Please don't hate me. I just kinda couldn't help myself. I don't know why but I had this prompt in my head for weeks, I even looked for some fanfictions with this theme/vibe to read so I could put my heart at ease but it didn't; I needed to write about it I guess. It didn't help that the new sneak peek for today's episode shows Emma so adamant about having Regina's back. It also didn't help that I've listening to Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey a lot lately (which it's where the title of this story comes from). Well, there you go loves. Sorry for the grammar mistakes, I hope in some twisted way you like it. xoxo

* * *

**WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME?**

"You would think that the wedding party of a model and the editor of a gossip magazine would have at least one big scandal, right?" the blonde woman approaches the brunette one standing in the corner (she's not exactly hiding but not making her presence known either).

"Well, with the cheap alcohol they're serving here I believe it's just a matter of time before everything goes down at once," the brunette replies glancing at the blonde but not entirely acknowledging her presence.

The blonde chuckles lightly. "Amen," she agrees sipping at her drink. "I'm Emma Swan," she introduces herself turning to the other woman.

The brunette hesitates for a moment, then turns to really look at the blonde. "Regina Mills," she concedes giving the woman a head to toe look.

"Beautiful name," Emma comments smiling. "Did you know that Regina is latim for Queen?"

"Yes, and apparently it's very appropriate for me because I have a regal poise," Regina replies with a bored tone. When Emma lifts one eyebrow at this she completes, "Some guy used that pick up line on me once."

Emma nods. "Looks like I have to update my playbook then," she says with an amused tone.

Regina frowns for a moment trying to understand what that statement meant. "Were you hitting on me, Miss Swan?"

Emma smiles shyly. "Will I sound less lame if I lie and say that I wasn't?"

Regina stares at her for a moment, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly like she was trying to suppress a smile. "Why would you be hitting on me?"

"Why would I not?" Emma replies like it was obvious.

"This is all very flattering, Miss Swan, but I'm not interested," she says and tries very hard to be dismissive but not mean about it. It's not that she didn't like the blonde; she just wasn't looking for that right now.

"It's cool, it was a long shot anyway. You're way out of my league," Emma shrugs and takes another sip of her drink. "But maybe we can be friends."

Regina winces lightly at this. "I'm not very good at the 'friend' thing either."

Emma looks back at her but Regina doesn't meet her eyes. The blonde tries to hide her disappointment with the double rejection. "Okay," she says with a curt nod. "I'm gonna park my ass elsewhere then. It was nice meeting you."

Regina was really enjoying the blonde's company though, so quickly reacts. "But maybe you can be my companion," she says and Emma turns back to her, frowning. "We can drink cheap alcohol and judge people together."

"You want me to stay?" Emma asks, confused.

"Yes," and it was true, she really wanted Emma to stay. "Unless you intend to update your playbook with someone else tonight?" she adds with a little smirk.

Emma chuckles at this and shrugs. "Nah, I can do that another time."

They smile at each other once more and resume their activities.

They chat, they drink and they judge people together for about an hour when Emma comments, "Well, hello there."

"What?" Regina asks.

"The redheaded that just went to the bar," the blonde explains. "She's really cute."

Regina follows her gaze and looks at said redheaded. "No, I believe a more accurate word for her is 'hot'."

"You think she's hot?" Emma asks amused.

"Are you kidding me? She's gorgeous," Regina says matter-of-factly. "She's got great boobs."

Emma laughs. "Isn't fun when straight women admit that another woman has great boobs?"

Regina looks at her, frowning. "Who said I'm straight?"

The blonde chokes on her drink.

After coughing a little and steadying her breath, Emma says, "So you're not straight?"

Regina sighs and lets her gaze get lost in the crowded room. "Growing up, I had a really strict mother. She would sort of control me since a very young age, molding me to be just the way she wanted me to be. She would always tell me what I was supposed to do and whom I was supposed to be, and that angered me to no end. I always hated labels because of that, and I specially hate to label myself. So, I'm not straight, or gay, or bi, or anything else. I'm just free."

Emma nods and mulls over that for a moment. It's a really cool perspective that she never realized herself. After a minute of hesitation, she decides to give in her curiosity and presses, "But you have been free with another woman before?"

Regina chuckles at this. "Women are very good lovers," she states with a pointed look.

"Cheers to that," Emma agrees raising her glass. Then after a moment she realizes, "So before, when I hit on you, you didn't turn me down because you're straight?"

"No," Regina answers simply.

"I'm just not interesting, huh?" the blonde says and forces a little laugh to not sound disappointed again.

"That's not it," Regina quickly clarifies. "You are very interesting, so much that I'm still here talking to you. If it was in any other circumstances I would absolutely go further with you. But right now I'm really not looking to get involved with anyone in any aspect," she explains meeting Emma's green eyes. "I know that this sounds old and cliché as hell but it's not you, Emma, it's me."

Emma smiles at this. It sounds like a half assed excuse but the honesty in Regina's brown eyes put her heart at ease. Maybe she should go on this for the long run.

Once more they resume their activities, enjoying the party and each other's company.

* * *

In the five weeks that followed their first meeting, Emma and Regina became quite inseparable. They would meet two, maybe three times during the week and when they didn't meet they would have one hour long phone calls, at least. Oh, and texts all day long.

Neither of them was the clingy/needy type but they really hit it off and with each week they grew closer and closer together; it was like magic.

Until Regina cancelled their weekly meeting. Then she didn't pick up the phone when Emma called. She didn't answer the texts either, and even when she did it was with monosyllables; no warmth whatsoever. Emma missed even the bitchy remarks.

And it only got worse; Regina would say she was busy and then ignore Emma for three days only to text her saying she was still busy. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

But if there was one thing Emma Swan most certainly was, it's stubborn. And she decided she had had enough and needed an answer.

* * *

"Emma, what are you doing here?" Regina asks startled when she opens the door to find the blonde outside.

"I came to see you," Emma shrugs, walking past her and into the apartment without an invitation. "We don't go out anymore and you don't return my calls or my texts, so here I am."

"Sorry, I've been busy," Regina says anxiously. She knew this day would come sooner or later; she just wanted it to be later.

"Yeah, try again," Emma replies putting her hands on her hips and looking directly at Regina.

"Emma…" the brunette sighs.

"No, don't even think about patronizing me. Just tell me what's going on."

"There's nothing going on," Regina says idly.

Emma closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, wearing an expression between angry and sad. "Please, all I ask is for you to be honest with me. I'm not stupid, I know you're avoiding me and I just wanna know why. I wanna know why you're pushing me away. Did you just get tired of me? Did I become boring? You can tell me, I can handle it. What I can't handle is losing you without even knowing why. Because honestly I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. But, you know, maybe if you tell me what the problem is, maybe I can change, maybe I can be better and we can be friends again. I mean, I think I have the right to try again, right? I can try again, I can have a second chance, I…"

"Emma, breathe," Regina cuts her off and rests her hand on the blonde's arm, rubbing it to soothe the ever growing nerves of the other woman.

Emma takes two deep breaths, and then locks gaze with Regina. "Just tell me why."

Regina sighs. "You did nothing wrong. Actually you did everything right, and that's why I let myself get carried away and let things come this far. I really like you," she explains looking away from vulnerable green eyes. "But I told you the day we met that I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone, and I meant that. I can't, Emma."

"But nothing happened, we're just friends!" the blonde exclaims, half exasperated half hopeful. "Even though I would love it to be something else I respected your wishes and I actually like very much to have you as my friend. I think we're pretty good, and it doesn't have to be anything more if you don't want to."

"I also told you I'm not good at the 'friend' thing," Regina tries to dismiss.

"Bullshit!" Emma was getting angry again. "What have we been doing, then?"

Regina looks defeated. "I don't know Emma, but it has to stop."

"Why? If you like me and I like you, why can't we be together?"

"It's complicated," the brunette pinches the bridge of her own nose trying to remain calm.

"That is bullshit!" the blonde snaps. "What are you not telling me?"

"The only thing you need to know is that we can't be together," Regina could feel her own anger threatening to surface. Why is Emma so stubborn? "I can't have you around, not even as my friend."

"And why the fuck is that?"

"Because it's going to hurt!" the brunette snaps too, feeling overwhelmed by this already.

Emma relaxes a bit at this. "It won't," she steps closer to comfort Regina but the other woman retreats. "I promise I'm never gonna hurt you."

"I know," Regina concedes, wrapping her own arms around herself to try to hold it together, knowing it's already too late. "It's not me I worry about. It's you, I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."

"I can't help it," Regina says and a sob erupts from her throat and then she's weeping uncontrollably. "It's not under my control."

"Regina, for the love of everything that's holy, please tell me what's going on," Emma pleads desperately, her own heart clenching and her own face burning with the desire to cry.

"I'm dying, Emma."

* * *

"A year?" Emma repeats, trying to let all the information sink in.

"Yes," Regina says staring at her own hands, her voice cracking from the tears she couldn't help but let fall. "I had an early diagnosis and that helps to slow down these first stages of the disease. And if I follow the treatment, maintain healthy habits and a positive attitude the doctor says I can live another year. But I think that's rather optimistic. I've done some research and I don't think I'm going to last that long."

"That's your take on maintaining a positive attitude?" Emma says still not looking at Regina's general direction, and still not expressing any sort of emotion.

"I was never one to be optimistic, reality is my thing," Regina shrugs.

"Thank goodness I can be optimistic for the both of us."

Regina looks up to lock gazes with Emma, the determination on the blonde's face telling her that she's not backing down.

"No."

"No, what?" Emma asks with a serious tone, challenging the other woman. "I'm not gonna be by your side every step of the way? If you think that, you're delusional."

"See, that's why I didn't want to tell you!" Regina snaps angrily. "You're so good and so noble! You think you have to be there with me, well, you don't!"

"I know I don't have to, but I want to!" the blonde says back, holding her ground. "And I'm not doing this because I'm good or noble, I'm doing this because I care about you! I'm not gonna leave you!"

"You're so naïve," the brunette sneers. "You think that these pretty words and brave face are going to last? Emma, you have no idea what's coming. It's going to get bad, really bad."

"I've seen bad, I can handle it."

"It's another type of bad, and it's nothing compared to what you've seen on foster system or even juvy," Regina tries to disarm her.

"I don't care, I won't leave you," Emma is resolute.

Regina shakes her head vigorously; she's about to pass out. She doesn't want to dwell on how Emma is determined to be with her no matter what, she can't think about on that. She has to make the blonde understand that being with her won't be a big romantic gesture, it will be just painful.

She has to make the woman understand that this is hell, there's no heaven for them. "What about when I get weak? When I get so tired I can't even walk by myself? When I get so thin I can fit in a gym locker? When my skin looks dry and weird and all my hair falls out? When I need help to fucking pee because not even that I can do by myself?"

"I'll still be there," Emma says firmly, not even blinking.

"You say that now, but when time comes it will be overwhelming."

"Again, I'm not stupid, Regina. I know it's not gonna be easy, not even slightly," Emma is starting to get angry at the other woman insisting on pushing her away. Why is Regina so stubborn? "But I will be there, maybe we'll be a mess, but we'll be together. I won't leave you, and there's nothing you can do to make me go away."

"And you think I want to see that?" Regina snaps again. "You think I want to see you waste a year of your life with me? Emma, this is doomed. We don't have a future. If you stay, it's going to be a year of pain for both of us. And for me I'm not talking about the disease, I'm talking about seeing you suffering because of me. You think I want to see you on these uncomfortable chairs by my hospital bed? You think I want to see you do everything for me and not being able to do anything for you, only cause you pain? Being a burden to you it's only going to make this all more painful to me."

"You're not gonna be a burden or a waste. You're gonna be my salvation," the blonde forces the brunette to sit, then she kneels before her taking her hands and looking into the depths of brown eyes. "Regina, since I laid my eyes on you from across the room on that party, I knew you would change my life, you would save me. I've been surviving since I was a kid, but I wasn't living. I've never felt like I had anything to live for, and I've never felt like I was worthy of anything, until I met you. You've awoken something inside me, I don't even know what it is, but it feels good. And I want to keep feeling that for as long as I can."

Emma takes a deep breath, and then continues. "And if you mean that, if you really think you'll be better off without me beside you, I will leave you to be. But if there's a tiny little piece inside you that wonders if we'll be better together, I ask you; no I beg you, listen to that tiny little piece. Because I know I need you, Regina, and I want to be with you no matter what."

The blonde squeezes Regina's hand and prays that her eyes can convey all that she's feeling to the brunette. "Now tell me, with all the truth of your heart, do you want me to go or do you want me to stay?"

Regina wants to scream. She wants to push the other woman, to run away and scream. She wants to leave this place and never come back, never look at Emma's beautiful face again. She wants to die right now before she ruins both of their lives.

But she can't. Just as she can't lie to Emma anymore. She curses herself for being so weak, coward and selfish right now, but the truth is she's tired to fight against this. She just wants to be happy, even if it's not for long.

She looks back at green eyes, seeing reflected in them the same pain and fear and hope and something else entirely that she knows it's on her own eyes. Maybe this is the only way.

"I want you to stay," Regina says between violent sobs. "I always want you to stay."

And Emma opens the most lovingly smile the world would ever see. "Then I'll stay, forever."

**the end**


End file.
